Another Goodbye

Why is life so unfair that I have to lose the 2 most important men in my life?

It was out of nowhere. Completely unexpected and utterly unpredictable. One day he was fine and the next he was gone. Honestly, apart from my dad, my grandfather and I are pretty close. Maybe it's because he and my grandmother practically raised me since my parent's divorce.

I spent a majority of my days after Matrix in his house. Meeting him when I wake up and smiling at him before he goes to bed. Ramadhan was an awesome time with him cause we would always go to the bazaar ramadhan before he goes to Asar prayers at the mosque. It would just be me and him, at the pasar, buying different kinds of food for buka puasa.

I remembered the days when he would just call me out of the blue and ajak me to KLCC to buy dinner or lunch. I remembered one time, just before puasa, after sending my grandmother's bag for repair at KLCC he told me he was craving for roast beef. Then he took me Harrods. Usually we would go there with the whole family but this time it was just the 2 of us. It's a memory I will never erase.

I remember all the little things he would do to me when I sat next to him. The way he would always press my nose, the way he always complain that my hair was getting long and the way we would always have the same conversation everytime I come back to his house.

Tokyah: Who are you?
Shana: I am your granddaughter
Tokyah: What are you doing here?
Shana: I don't know. Saje je
Tokyah: What do you mean you don't know? Apa la hampa ni...

This conversation would always happen everytime I balik to his house. I only left for a couple of days, 4 days maximum. But he would always ask me like I left him for 4 years. And after that last line, he would always and I mean always offer me a slither of whatever he was eating. Even though sometimes I would decline, he would still give me and I never shot him down. Cause then he will say his famous line "You never know until you try".

I guess I'm considered lucky cause out of all the 12 grandchildren, I spent the most time with him in the last 4 months. I would cherish every smile, every evening drive, every angry look he'll give me when I go away for too long and every time he would call my name so distinctly cause I was named after his mother. I would cherish all of that and more for the rest of my life.